Life as it happens. Time as it passes.

Ironies 11

1. Minsan nakatambay sa harap ng bahay namin ang mga mag-aamigang daldalera ng barangay. Mga sosyalera din ang apat na magbabarkada. They were in their mid-30’s and they were discussing the prospects of their aging. The oldest of the four, who happens to be beyond her forties butted in and remarked, “Bakit ba masyado kayo nako-concerned sa pagtanda niyo? Dapat nga maging masaya kayo kasi you’re moving on eh.”

Sensing a need for sarcasm, one of the ladies replied, “eh, bakit? ilang taon ka na ba?”

Ayun… nagkasampalan na ang mga prima donna.

2. Open mike segment na sa isang bar sa Malate three weeks ago. Isang lalake ang nangahas kumanta. Hindi siya lasing–he was as sober as the evening shift forest owl. But when he took the mike and started “singing,” he sounded like a backmasked tape.

Sumigaw yung lasing: “SHINTONAAAADOOOH!”

Sa kahihiyan, at pati na rin sa iritado na, naupo at nagmukmok ang monotonous na trying hard na singer.

Heto na yung lasing, nangangahas din. Pagdampot sa mike, hindi pa nga nalalaglag yung token nung videoke machine eh nagsimula nang mag-pasyon ng wala sa panahon.

Gumanti ang sintunado…

“LASIIIIIIIING KA NAAAAAH!”

“BLAM! KABLOW! SBLAK! PAGOOM!”

Moral lesson: Mahirap magsama ang hindi dapat kumakanta, atsaka ang hindi dapat umiinom.

3. I was coming out from a fast food chain when a pauper approached me and begged for money. Knowing fully well the wrong of giving money, I instead told the kid I’ll be giving him my fries. I overheard him whisper softly, “perahin niyo na lang manong.” I caught the statement and immediately explained to the kid in rebuking fashion that I am teaching him to be industrious instead of living a mendicant life. He nodded subtly and tried to convince himself to be happy with what I am about to give him.

When I gave the fries to him, he ran back to the street alley, where three other beggarmates of his were waiting. I couldn’t forget what I saw next.

The beggar gave each piece of french fry for one pesos from his “friends.”

And I thought I knew better.

4. One man was arguing against a Starbucks barista who asked him if he wanted his coffee “for here” or “to go.”

“Why are you using such terms as ‘for here’ and ‘to go’ while we have our own lingo here in the Philippines? Language is a free-flowing art that everybody can improvise and use for their benefit. Those terms are just for the foreigners, you got that?”

After the long treatise on neocolonialism, the barista tactfully apologized and rephrased his question.

“Sir, would you like your drink for dine-in?”

Watch and listen to the customer…

“There! That’s better. No. I won’t have that drink for dine in. Please have that drink for TAKE OFF!”

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