(I think it’s just proper that we start off our blogging duties with a light dose of humor. So, let’s do this.)
A snail was on the witness stand after he accused a gang of turtles who mugged him.
When the lawyer squirrel asked what happened, the snail said:
“I… doooon’t… actualllllly… ….rrrrrremmmmmemberrrr…. Be… cause… it… happppppened… sooooo… faaaaast.”
My friend and I was watching a magic show. One of the magicians tricks got to my friend. Afte the show, my friend and I went up to the magician.
“Hey, could I ask you how you did that second to the last magic you did a while back?” asked my friend.
“Well,” said the magician, “I could tell you… But I’ll have to kill you.”
“Could you tell that to my mother-in-law?” replied my friend.
We’re broadcasting live from SCTEx on our way to Isabela today. I just wanted to make sure a blog will be posted today. And ith my PC running low on battery, here’s a very quick post. See you soon!
Two lions chanced upon the circus clown that had been poking fun on them Immediately, the two big felines pounced on the hapless guy and gobbled him up.
The lion asked his friend what the clown tasted like.
“I’m not sure, but the taste seems funny!”
Oo nga naman.
When I asked our Sunday School kids which law on the Ten Commandments had anything to do with one’s relationship to their brothers and sisters, one kid was quite affront with his answer.
“Thou shalt not kill.”
May isang palaka na nagpahula ng kanyang kapalaran.
Manghuhula: Sa susunod na buwan ay makakakilala ka ng isang magandang dalaga na kikilalanin ka ng buong buo!
Palaka: Talaga? Wow naman! Prinsesa ba siya?
Manghuhula: Hinde. Estudyante ng BS Biology.
A patient went to her doctor for a follow-up check-up.
“So doc? Ano pong balita?” the patient asked.
“We’ll, I’ve got bad news and good news,” the doctor replied.
“What’s the bad news?” asked the sick lady.
“The bad news is your disease is deadly one. Sabi sa research, 9 out of 10 die because of this disease,” the doctor explained.
“HAAARGH?” exclaimed the patient. “Well… what’s the good news?”
“The good news is, the first nine patients I examined with this disease had all died. IKAW YUNG PANG-SAMPU! So that means HINDI KA MAMAMATAY!”
The following answers were given by various students from different schools when their graders were asked to give a word that starts with a letter they were assigned:
A: A-ight (as in the number);
C: C-ster (kapatid na babae);
E: E-nternet (the world wide web);
F: F-fective (that which works);
G: G-pney (the Filipino ride);
L: L-ephant (from the zoo);
M: M-ployee (the office slave);
N: N-velope (where letters are put);
Q: Q-cumber (the veggie);
R: R-wana (the big fish);
S: S-calator (the moving stairs);
X: X-pert (the master);
Y:Y-fe (the husband’s partner);
Tsk, tsk, tsk!
So this is how Vice Ganda’s style of sarcasm has gripped the country’s language culture:
I was once announcing, “OK, class. Tomorrow we will have a quiz.”
Someone asked, “Sir, magrereview po ba kami?”
I answered, “Hinde! Magpaparamihan lang tayo ng maling sagot niyo bukas!”
During dinner time, a yaya was instructed, “Yaya, pakikuha nga yung ice cream.”
The yaya asked, “Sa ref po ba?”
The irritated mother went, “Ay hindeeeeh! Sa microwave ‘teh, dinefrost ko!”
True story: a balding guy was buying shampoo for her wife.
I don’t know why, but the saleslady asked, “para sa inyo po sir?”
To which the guy answered, “Hindeeh, para sa ‘yo… huling gamit mo na ng shampoo ‘to, kasi kakalbuhin na rin kita.”
Believe it or not, this was one saleslady’s sales pitch at a cellphone store somewhere in the metropolis:
“Mura lang po dito! Bili na kayo ng CELLPHONE NA MOBILE!”